Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Image courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures
Whooo–hoooo! It’s July! That can only mean one thing…we’re halfway through Hollywood’s annual assault of summer Blockbusters! Just in case you happen to be the only person on the planet who hasn’t been pelted with one of the numerous plugs the Disney Channel has been running every hour over the last two months, the House of Mouse is already throwing out their second offering of the movie season, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Yup, it’s the return of Captain Jack Sparrow and his ragtag crew of ne’er-do-wells. Great. Their latest film isn’t just another summer Blockbuster – it’s the sequel to a movie originally made about an amusement park ride. But, before you hurt yourself trying to contain your enthusiasm, just remember things aren’t always what they seem to be. Dead Man’s Chest is indeed a Disney film; but, it’s not your typical Disney film. In spite of the fact both DMC and its predecessor, Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), received a PG-13 rating, the latest is exceedingly more violent. Not only is it more violent, the newest Disney flick also has a sinister element lurking in its gallows. With scary images like ghostly, barnacle-laden pirates and a giant squid / octopus, and mature themes such as decapitation, an implied threat of rape, and metaphoric deals made with the Devil, you might want to think twice before taking your sensitive, under-13 kiddos to see this “family” flick. Wait a minute…this is Disney?
Image courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures		Dead Man’s Chest picks up where Curse left off with the wedding of Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom). For reasons unexplained, the bride waits for her fiancé alone in the pouring rain. Yet, as soon as he arrives, both are arrested and sentenced to the gallows before they can get hitched.
Turns out, the couple upset a few people with a little stunt they pulled back in Curse of the Black Pearl by freeing the notorious pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). Of course, because this is the wonderful world of Disney where no one wants to see a happy couple struck down by tragedy on their wedding day, Will is released on the condition he retrieves Sparrow’s compass for Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander), the head of the East India Trading Company. Elizabeth, however, is left to sit and wait for her betrothed in jail. Elsewhere on the open sea, Sparrow learns that his old nemesis, Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), is looking for him in order to settle a blood debt. Cap’n Jack’s “turn-tail-and-run” escape plan first leads him to a tribe of cannibals who are dumb enough to believe is one of their gods. Later, it takes him into the realm of sexual innuendos and monkey bartering where the Voo Doo soothsayer, Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris), fills us in on the history of Jack’s tentacle-face nemesis and the contents of the Dead Man’s Chest. Other than an unexpected father-son reunion aboard Davy’s ship, the Flying Dutchman, there really isn’t that much going on in the narrative. So, predictably, the gaping plot holes are filled with a little swashbuckling, too many chase scenes, and the Captain’s ultimate showdown with Davy’s underwater partner-in-crime, a giant squid/octopus called the “Kracken.” (Quick sidebar: Older audiences might recognize the Kracken as one of Disney’s shameless self-references to their 1954 film, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. But, most wily Gen-Xers will probably laugh at its name when it triggers a flashback to the campy 1981 cult hit, Clash of the Titans.)
Like most epics not initially written as epics, Dead Man’s Chest is stretched out much longer than it should have been. Unfortunately, when director Gore Verbinski resorts to using extensive chase scenes to fill DMC’s narrative holes, he forgets about a little thing called continuity editing.	Image courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures
But, what about all of that excessive violence? The only reason Disney is able to get away with pushing the envelope as far as they did is because Verbinski effectively offsets the PG-13 violence with slapstick comedy. However, all of these over-the-top chase scenes and ridiculous stunts leave you feeling as if you’ve crossed over into the land of Looney Toones instead of watching a PG-13 movie about pirates. In the end, what saves Dead Man’s Chest from remaining in the bowels of virtual reality cartoons is Depp’s performance. With his smarmy attitude, childish taunts, and devil-may-care antics, it is obvious why Cap’n Jack’s humorous idiosyncrasies are the key ingredients holding this wannabe epic together at the seams – especially when the bumbling pirate inadvertently turns himself into a human shish-ke-bab. Overall, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is by no means a great film, but it is entertaining nonetheless. Although, if you are planning on watching this one, make sure you refresh yourself on Curse of the Black Pearl before setting foot in the theater. You also need to be prepared for a cliffhanger ending; but, don’t worry, Disney’s edgy pirate fiasco continues next year with the release of At World’s End.
Image courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures			God only knows what kind of debauchery will unfurl with the addition of Keith Richards as Jack’s father. Heroin needles in place of tobacco pipes? Pirates drinking kegs of Yagermeister instead of rum? Daddy Keith starting a “Voo Doo Lounge” inside the Black Pearl? If only we could be so lucky…. © Left From Hollywood 2006