Clerks II

Clerks II

Image courtesy of the Weinstein Company

June 17, 2006, is bound to be a day Joel Siegel, the film critic for ABC’s Good Morning America, is not likely to forget anytime soon. According to the New York Post, that was the day Siegel “reportedly stormed out of a New York press screening of Clerks II, upset about its lewd comment.”[1] Even worse, the drama queen decided to add insult to injury by loudly complaining to everyone, “This is the first movie I’ve walked out of in 30 fucking years!,” as he made his dramatic exit. [2]

He later told the Post, “it was so foul and mean and repulsive. I finally realized I could not say anything positive…I wasn’t ready for this kind of smut…I hope he doesn’t make any more movies.”[3] Whoops, it sounds like Siegel wasn’t too pleased with Kevin Smith’s latest barrage of weed, dick, and fart jokes. Ironically, the pompous stick Siegel has shoved up his overly sensitive ass caused him to miss what most critics were surprised to find hidden among the onscreen obscenities – a message.

Wait a minute…a message? In a Kevin Smith film? Yup, Clerks II takes place 10 years after the first one ends with Dante and Randal still manhandling counters and insulting customers. Only now, they’re in their 30’s pondering the deeper questions of their miniscule universe: When are we supposed to grow up? Is there more to life than being a clerk? Will Dante ever get to see a donkey show? Hell, even I was surprised to find out these two slackers were capable of intelligent thought.

Image courtesy of the Weinstein Company

In spite of the new semi-maturity factor, not much has changed at the Quick Stop…until the morning Dante (Brian O’Halloran) arrives to open the store and finds it engulfed in flames. Predictably, Randal (Jeff Anderson) blames terrorists for the ill-fated mishap before eventually confessing he was the idiot who left the coffee pot on all night.

After burning their beloved place of employment to the ground, these two counter-productive slackers find work flipping burgers at Mooby’s with Becky (Rosario Dawson) and Elias (Trevor Fehrman). Smith also re-introduces us to the new and improved Jay (Jason Mews) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith). Of course, in the world of these heterosexual life-mates, “new and improved” only means they’re back peddling dope after a stint in rehab where Jay supposedly found Jesus. But, that’s not the only change….

Dante is finally over Caitlin Bree, and is now engaged to Emma Bunting (Jennifer Schwalback – AKA “Mrs. Kevin Smith”), the girl of his high school dreams. But wait, there’s a catch. Dante must also contend with his feelings for Becky who is stuck supervising this tag team of losers. Unfortunately, Dante is all set to move to Florida to work for Emma’s dad and finally get on with his life. Awww…poor Baby Spice and her ridiculous “Mrs. Hicks” t-shirt. She has no idea she’s landed smack dab in the middle of an idiotic clerks’ love triangle.

So, where’s all of the smut that caused Siegel to stomp out 40 minutes into the screening? Most of it comes from Randal and Dante’s foul-mouthed repartee over ass-to-mouth techniques and the hilarious debates Randal has with Elias over which is the better trilogy Star Wars or Lord of the Rings; but, what really got Siegel’s panties in an uproar was the donkey show Randal orders for Dante as a going away present. What did that pompous blowhard really expect? The “Kinky Kelly Donkey Show” is bound to upset anyone in the over-60 crowd who has a giant stick shoved up their ass.

As for the message Smith is trying to deliver, it won’t be as visible to the audience members who choosing to only focus on Randal’s extremely offensive potty mouth or certain out-of-date critics. However, those able to look past the sophomoric humor, will see that our little auteur director is trying to grown up in his own askewed way.

Image courtesy of the Weinstein Company

Smith tries to have his gang of slackers mature a little by having them finally realize there’s more to life than holding up the counter and insulting customers day after day. Dante is torn between Emma’s representation of hope for life out from behind the counter and Becky who symbolizes everything he’s about to leave behind. Randal is upset about losing his best friend. But, Smith is a little frustrated with his core audiences’ reluctance to let him grow up as well.

Obviously, he needs to cater to his target audience of 18-25 year old males; so, in order to remain loyal to his original set of characters at the Quick Stop, Smith effectively pushes the envelope as far as he can for as long as he can before ultimately giving them some closure. Unlike Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which was basically nothing more than 2 hours of watching Kevin Smith refer to every other movie he ever made, Clerks II comes across as an actual sequel concluding the evolution of Randal and Dante.

Overall, Clerks II isn’t something I’d call a great film; but, it is a fitting ending to the boys who entered our lives back in 1994 when they were still running the Quick Stop. Even though they’re older now, they’re not necessarily any wiser; but, you can say they have learned to be politically correct by referring to bestiality as “interspecies eroticism.” As for the rest of their raunchy dialogue, taboo subject matter, and over-the-top racial slurs, Becky has the best response: “I’m disgusted…I’m repulsed…and, yet…I can’t look away.”

Thankfully, some things never change.

Image courtesy of Miramax Pictures

Image courtesy of the Weinstein Company

[1] http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,19534,00.html

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.